i thought this was fake, but it’s actually real. and amazing. my nuts, my nuts.

vince shlomi is even more determined to take you away from your boring tuna and your boring life.

vagina gymnast blows those “buns of steel” tapes of the ’90s wayyy out of the water

some people are great at sports. Some people can bake award-winning pies. Some people are great at sports involving their pies. Their putang pies, that is.

i swear i’m not making the following up:

some woman in russia named Tatyana Kozhevnikova is getting all kinds of attention because she has what appears to be the Incredible Hulk of vaginas — that is, she’s essentially going around lifting weights with her choch for curious onlookers, and now marketing vagina weightlifting training courses for those who can’t figure out how to do it on their own. She’s got a whole website and everything with literature and videotapes and other shit you can buy to buff up your vag. The best part about it is, it’s filled with all those fantastic poorly-translated phrases from Russian, so the site has headings like “Do you want to look stunning and charming?” instead of “Pick up pounds with yo pussay!”

people can market anything. it’s basically kegels on one hundred thousand trillion. read a manual online. you really don’t have to go dropping dime to find out how to squeeze your vagina tight enough to hold up barbells and shit. For goodness sake.

watch her do coochie calesthenics in the video below. While this is beyond ridiculous, i respect her hustle. And she’s probably great in the sack. Or painful. It’s a tossup.

the pun is too easy

of COURSE i want to title this post “breast i ever had,” but it was way too easy. Music videos aren’t as big of a deal as they used to be, so at least he’ll still be successful despite a video that isn’t all that good. And not even because it looks like behind-the-scenes footage from the Worldwide Titty Convention, either. But everyone’s getting all salty about it cause drake’s Team Tit is finally faced with the huskiest girls ever, and Team Tit loses because “all you ever taught us to do is stretch,” so some think it’s all sexist and offensive, but I think that part’s kind of hilarious. Only thing is, you have to get through enough of the video to even see that part, and that might not be as easy as you’d think. Unless you’re already mesmerized by all the boobie jiggle and can’t look away.

love his sweater, though.

i wonder if all the extra video hoes were compensated with a Kush of their size and color preference.

imagine trying to report this to police?

i find extreme discomfort and odd humor in the concept of being molested by a man named Tyrannosaurus Rex. He probably could have  come up with something less obnoxious and illegal to become noteworthy for, but we all have our schticks.

who knew all this action was under those wigs

phil spector, june 2009.

when the big guys decide you definitely did inDEED kill your wife, they don’t let you look pretty for your mugshots n thangs. hm.

[via the smoking gun]

the quickest route to extreme discomfort

i don’t… i don’t really understand what is going on here. After dealing with the toilet brush backscratcher explanation, i thought the hard part was over, til the dog became involved in the video, and then i lost a little piece of my mind. just a little piece, though.

if i ever find myself in such a precarious situation in my old years, i may as well just go ahead and kill myself.

i draw the line at midget strippers.

start at 1:40, then watch the action unfold.

that is all.

a good queen will always turn a bad day into a good one

rupaul’s entire existence makes my life at least 40% happier than it would be without her.

amy fisher pops caps, p, on a handstand

i love this crazy bitch.

back in the early 1990s, Amy Fisher was a crazy little 16 year old ho who was hooking up with this funky old guido named Joey Buttafuoco. She got all jealous of his wife, Mary Jo, went to their home, and shot homegirl in the face. After coming out of jail, I guess she couldn’t handle not having any more attention, so she was on “20/20″ talking about how she had to date over the internet because whenever she met a guy and confessed that she was THE Amy Fisher, they left before the check came. Eventually she got married, and no one really cared.

i don’t know if she’s still married, but she recently popped back up in the news because, like every attention-starved former celebrity who’s dropped out of the limelight, she suddenly had a homemade sex tape “leaked” to the media. Some dude she was banging got angry and sold the rights to a porn company, and it was produced, and, even then, no one really cared all that much.

NOW

she’s going to do a scrippa tour – according to page six, Fisher plans on touring the country as a high-paid stripper, assuming that dudes around the country will be that pressed to see her shake it. On the other hand, i really am kind of curious to see how good she can actually be.  according to her,

“I am going to take this road until my fans tell me, ‘Dear, please put your clothes back on. You’re too old.’ “

word.

“what has two fingers and OWNS YOU?”

“this guy, son. this guy.”

honestly, who even cares what joe biden is doing right now? he looks like a fucking G.

(he’s actually at the special olympics winter games, in case you really, truly wanted to know.)

[thanks coleman]