a very awesome story in very few words

this is the shamwow guy. Everyone knows shamwow as the totallyfuckingawesomest thing in recent infomercial history. it soaks up a lot of liquid and stuff. but that’s not the point.

Turns out, Shamwow Guy’s name is Vince Shlomi. And he likes whores. So he went out one night and bought one, and paid her almost a grand for some butt.

So they were making out (strike one – why would you kiss a hooker???), and she bit his tongue really hard, and he slap-chopped the shit outta that ho (strike two – don’t hit a woman; she’ll probably fare better than you when all’s said and done, even if she started it) til she let go.

So he gets his tongue back and runs to a nearby hotel (strike three – just like the beastiality/kiddie porn case, you can’t tell the cops you were fighting with a hooker you bought).  the cops got involved, and they were like, “oh snap, that’s the Shamwow dude,” and found the hooker, who had $930 in her purse,  then Smoking Gun got a hold of it, and posted his mugshot, which looks like this:

Shamwow! the end.