star jones [gastric] bypasses one-piece, tells america to eat a dick

okay, so here’s the thing.

i will not deny that star jones in a bikini is not the most appealing thing to see after eating a tuna melt. Or eating anything at all, really.

but i have a number of problems with the fact that all the gossip blogs are completely hate-shitting on this beach picture, seen below:

1. fine, so you can see her gastric bypass scars, but shit could be a lot tougher. At least they’re somewhat small.
2. despite the utter grossness that this image had the potential of wielding, did anyone really think star jones would rock a two-piece without getting all that excess post-surgery skin trimmed off first? She may not be skinny, but she isn’t THAT stupid, either.
3. the only sandwiches star jones is making these days are dick sandwiches, and with these bikini pictures, she clearly wants america to eat one. That is to say, does NO ONE recall the fact that a bitch used to be, like, seven thousand pounds? As i was telling my friend bryce tonight, if i was seven thousand pounds and lost, like, 6,770 of them, i wouldn’t even be in a bikini. I’d be butt ass fucking naked, all day long. Doing jumping jacks and splits and shit. Streaking across the stage for those bitches that fired me from The View. Cause at the end of the day, practically anything is better than being seven thousand pounds, and everyone knows it.

I’m not saying that Jones doesn’t look kind of wack here but, conversely, it is just as wack of us to pretend she isn’t also living proof that one’s physique could be much, MUCH worse. On another, more hatingasshater note, i do have a beef with the fact that she constantly rocks white bathing suits (she did when she was the fats, too). Everyone knows that white – bikini, one piece, or muu muu – makes anyone over 150 pounds look like a whale. But like, fuck it. This is probably the first time she’s proudly exposed more than her limbs since she was a toddler. At least now she has a better shot of getting some action that the media won’t (probably accurately) label as closet-gay, fame-whoring pity dick.  Big girls need love too, but the entertainment industry is a vicious place to find it in.