is it just me, or are more and more advertising companies likening sub sandwiches to giant penises? It started with Subway’s Big Hot Pastrami commercials, followed by Quizno’s unabashedly suggestive “put it in me, Scott” Toasty Torpedo commercials, and now Burger King is hopping on the phallic bandwagon with their BK Super Seven Incher sandwich, which features ads with women looking like they’re about to get mouth-banged by a big, meaty cheese sub. According to this FOX News article, the sandwich is a limited-time offer in Singapore and everyone over there is getting all pissed over such a salacious advertisement.
…but did no one do their research before they decided to post ads like this in a country that has a perpetual stick up its ass? A room full of advertisers actually sat and approved the release of a sexually suggestive ad in a country where the penalty for CHEWING GUM is getting caned? Not ticketed. Caned. As in, you travel over there with a bag full of Juicy Fruit and leave with an ass covered in bleeding welts.
the advertisement goes beyond just that funky picture, suggesting you “fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled.” It’s like it was written by a group of 13 year olds. Unfortunately, the advertisers spent so much time making the ad look and sound like subtle porn that they didn’t bother paying attention to the fact that the actual sandwich looks effin disgusting. Or maybe that was the big idea – to create a distraction. Hmm.
let me state this once and for all: anything involving skin and/or tissue is going to wrinkle and lose firmness over time. You can’t help it. You have to either pay for plastic surgery, kill yourself, or simply get over it. So all these creams and contraptions and other kinds of bullshit may have the most miniscule possibility of delaying the aging process by a very small amount, but at the end of the day, you’re going to be wrinkled and saggy and you’re just going to have to deal.
which is why the Kush breast support device is some of the most ridiculous crap i have ever seen. It’s basically a little plastic cushion for women who are a C-cup and bigger that’s wedged in between one’s boobs at night to reduce premature wrinkling and discomfort. I’m curious as to the effectiveness of such a product, considering the fact that it’s geared toward large-breasted women, side-sleepers, pregnant and post-pregnant nursing women, and women who’ve had breast augmentation, so perhaps there might be at least one iota of logic behind paying $38.95-$42 for a titty pillow. But at the end of the day, you just gotta let nature take its course. Or roll up a towel and stuff it between your jugs when you sleep. They’re gonna wrinkle anyway. At least spend the 40 bucks on something more constructive.
and to think, this was actually debuted in march, not post-death. Which makes this even more unfortunate than if it was a well-intentioned, yet poorly executed tribute to mike jack.
i find extreme discomfort and odd humor in the concept of being molested by a man named Tyrannosaurus Rex. He probably could have come up with something less obnoxious and illegal to become noteworthy for, but we all have our schticks.
i have a hard time taking someone who says “homosexual-ality,” “lesbeeism” and “all’s we’re saying” seriously, but that’s neither here nor there.
according to minister Patricia McKinney in the video below, crack addiction, alcoholism, and homosexual-ality are caused by demons living in your body so, by the power of jeee-SUS, you knock those demons out if you so choose. Being an alleged former crack addict herself, she would know.
so according to the video and this article in the Huffington Post, a gay dude walks into this church a few months ago and catches a little holy spirit during what must have been a pretty powerful sermon. Cause that was the day the homo demons in his body decided they’d had enough and wanted OUT, OUT PRAISE JESUS! So he flopped around on the floor and a big gay exorcism was performed.
i’m not joking. See for yourself. Don’t forget to wipe your bullshit-covered computer screen off when you’re done.
the barter system is a bitch, and prostitution is the oldest profession in history. While I don’t quite understand the concept of selling my body, I get that some people turn to hooking as a way of finding a quick fix and/or using the money to provide for their families or put themselves through college or something. However, since WHEN did one’s vaginal worth equal a 30-pack of chips?!
Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, was arrested for prostitution. But not just any kind of prostitution, friends – she sold her vag for a box of chips.
Police saw her flashing her lights (a signal that she was looking for the d), and decided to follow her car. When they approached, they found her with her other headlights flashing and a dude in the passenger seat pulling his pants up.
turns out, the man was a Frito-Lay employee, told her that he didn’t have any cash, and Smith evidently said something along the lines of “it’s cool baby, just gimme some free chips.”
that clearly wasn’t verbatim, but you get the point.
now, you’re probably thinking, “well, maybe she has kids to feed.” If that was the case, and you had kids to feed and decided to turn to ‘tutin to feed them, wouldn’t you bone for money so you could pay for actual food for your kids? Maybe you’re thinking, “well, she’s not very attractive, so it was probably hard for her to get paid.” But you know what? That’s not true. This is America. There are plenty of dudes willing to pay for a blow job or some butt from women who look far worse than her, and who likely have less limbs and more bullet holes than her, too.
She’s also apparently terrible at her job, as she told police that she’s been arrested “two or three times” before for prostitution. So no. It’s not the kids, or her looks, or anything equally unreasonable, but at least mildly understandable. It’s what you originally thought: Lahoma Sue Smith fucked and sucked for Cheetos.
there’s always a straw that breaks the camel’s back – no pun intended. And when it comes to obesity, those who successfully lose weight and keep it off have their own kind of straw, the one trigger that makes one think, “i am huge and this has GOT to end.” For many, it’s that pair of pants that finally gave way, or that tactless kid that didn’t see the harm in the name “Lard Ass,” or that time the airline requested that two tickets be purchased – one for yourself, and one for….the rest of yourself.
all that is to say, maybe it takes a broken chair to make someone decide that enough is enough, and a gym membership will reap more benefits than spending the same amount of money on a trip to Costco. But, as always, there are people looking to make a buck by any means necessary, and now we have – wait for it – plus-sized home goods.
BrylaneHome has launched Plus+Sized Living, a collection of furniture, bath, and housewares geared toward the fit-ly challenged. That means wider chairs, bigger hangers, and towels that cover all 2000 parts…and pounds.
now, I am not a fattist by any means. But I can’t help but sigh and feel a bit pissed off when there is yet another company capitalizing off of what is an exceedingly problematic condition in western civilization. Genetically modified foods have seriously fucked up society, especially for those in lower-income households who can’t afford fresher fruits and vegetables and natural foods, but that doesn’t mean the solution is to make even more crap that caters to obese people. It’s bullshit. There have got to be other ways to use money than to make desk chairs the size of loveseats.
apparently, instead of getting a job, it’s easier to pose as your dead mother and collect her social security checks instead.
for six years, a guy named Thomas Prusik-Parkin has gone so far as to dress in drag, paint his nails, and drag his amoral, pathetic ass to the bank with a fake nephew (who was likely getting a cut) to collect social security checks and rent subsidies under his mother’s name immediately after she passed away. According to the NY Daily News article, dude amassed $115k in crooked money before the guy who owned his home reported him to the police.
not so sure what his mother looked like (that’s my polite way of wondering if moms looked like a man, or if the man was really feminine), but i feel like all that costume and makeup talent could have gone to something far more productive than impersonating your deceased mom. While it IS creative, it’s just way too fucked to go in the “stifled creativity” category.
in case you were ever fuzzy on the terminology, megan fox has graciously offered to perfectly illustrate the pants-in-vagina phenomenon that is the Camel Toe for your clarification. see below:
…but did no one do their research before they decided to post ads like this in a country that has a perpetual stick up its ass? A room full of advertisers actually sat and approved the release of a sexually suggestive ad in a country where the penalty for CHEWING GUM is getting caned? Not ticketed. Caned. As in, you travel over there with a bag full of Juicy Fruit and leave with an ass covered in bleeding welts.
which is why the 
you’re fired.
Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, was arrested for prostitution. But not just any kind of prostitution, friends – she sold her vag for a box of chips.
BrylaneHome has launched 
pathetic ass to the bank with a fake nephew (who was likely getting a cut) to collect social security checks and rent subsidies under his mother’s name immediately after she passed away. According to the 
